This is difficult.  Difficult because it can be interpreted wrong by some readers.  Difficult because it churns up high emotions within me.  Difficult because talking about such things makes us confront our own stuff, our own thoughts, our own questions.

Our culture talks at great length about issues like bullying, especially bullying towards specific groups of people (different sexual orientations, different color, different religion, etc…).  We talk about all the different psychological implications and the laws/rules that should be in place to prevent such things…and I agree; we should do whatever it takes to stem the tide of bullying.  Tonight I get the privilege to begin teaching teenagers in our bible study we hold at our home the issue of friendship – biblical friendship.  As I’ve prepared for it I’ve realized a simple yet profound discovery; friendship, true friendship, lies at the heart of reversing things like bullying.  And I know this, because I could have easily been a statistic…

My struggles with taking my own life existed mostly through my junior high school years.  The reasons were many.  I was dealing with issues of shame, confusion, and hurt over instances of sexual abuse in my life.  I was not an outcast by any means, but really never thought I was central to any one social group either.  I played sports but wasn’t really a jock – I made good grades but wasn’t really a nerd – I was artistic, but wasn’t really an artist.  So I spent most of my days attempting to connect as best I could with the various groups that made survival necessary, but not really investing fully in any one group.  I remember vividly those days that I thought life would be better if it was over.  The day I was picked to start on the basketball team due to an injury of another starter, only to have another player throw pencils at me in the locker room while calling me “Fag!” as he thought he should have started.  The day it was revealed that at a recent boy/girl party I had sang a particular song while dancing with a girl to that song – not because I was putting a move on her, but just because I liked to sing.  Having the nickname “Endless Love” thrust upon you doesn’t exactly build confidence.  The day I was ridiculed because I didn’t get to 2nd or 3rd base with the girl everyone had supposedly gotten to 2nd or 3rd base with (that girl by the way, deserves a LOT of apologies from a LOT of people)…that revelation also ended in multiple accusations towards my sexual orientation.  I remember the day that I was really close to do something stupid and my mom walked in – sensing something was wrong with me, she began to talk with me and as I sputtered out the words that I wanted to “end it” I was able to quickly change that into telling her I was thinking about running away…I’m guessing she never knew that my knife was hidden under the pillow and that I intended to use it that afternoon.

Though I never shared any of these thoughts with friends (or with family), I did begin to make some good friends – friends that gave me hope, and that began to speak things into my life that were positive.  Understand as well, this whole time I was dealing with these thoughts I was also the “good Christian boy” who was singing in youth choir, working at VBS, etc…I had perfected the art of the charade, and had everyone fooled.  It wasn’t that church or my relationship with God wasn’t helpful at the time, but for me church was so social in nature that even there life was often difficult.  There seemed to be as many cliques within that realm as there were in school and again, I wasn’t sure how I fully fit into any of them.  Regardless, good friends developed through my high school years became a cornerstone for me to build life upon…and I’m grateful for them.  They existed not as perfect individuals but as people who were transparent and caring, and who spoke into my life just when I needed them to.

Maybe you have similar stories or experiences…I’ve learned through my 13+ years of ministry that is very likely.  People have been bullied for any and every reason imaginable.  I am not discounting loss of life or any tragic situation that stems from 1 particular brand of bullying – all loss of life is wrong.  Perhaps, if we focused less on trying to legislate an absence of bullying and instead took the time to invest in our towns, neighborhoods and churches and teach kids the real aspects of friendship we wouldn’t have to focus on rules.  Maybe it starts with sharing your story…how instead of being a statistic you overcame.

No one knew how close I came to ending it…and no one would have seen it coming.  But had I done so, I wouldn’t be here today.  Today, if you’re in that fragile state I plead with you…don’t take a chance on missing out on the fact that 20 years from now YOUR story can give people hope.

I look forward to spending a summer teaching about friendship…friendship, and the grace of God, saved my life.

First, their are numerous “reasons” given why America (and specifically Christian America) should just go ahead and acquiesce to the demand of gay men and women to marry.  The unfortunate part is many of these reasons are illogical and hold no power in a formal argument – also known as red herrings or straw man arguments.  One such example is this: “Jesus never said anything about gay marriage.”  This is illogical for several reasons – 1) we have no idea to know for certain what He ‘never’ said, as I’m sure there are words of Jesus not recorded in scripture, so there is at least a possibility He may have mentioned it; 2) Jesus, when He DID speak on marriage, always spoke in the context of a man and a woman, so His words we DO know about affirm man/woman marriage as the rest of the Bible affirms; 3) Jesus also never spoke directly against snorting mounds of cocaine, spray painting graffiti on public buildings, and sweat shops overseas where most of what we purchase in America is made…but I’m guessing He’s against such things.  Another example often given, especially when an opponent of gay marriage plays the “it’s unnatural” card, is this response: “There are many animals in nature who are actively homosexual, so it IS natural.”  This is a true statement…it is also true that there are animals who by their nature fling their feces on one another; is that okay for me to do to another person just because it’s in nature?  Some animal groups in nature truly resort to a “survival of the fittest” mentality, picking off weak ones so the strong ones survive; is it okay for me to start doing away with weak individuals to ensure my survival? (and don’t play the “it’s against the law” card – I’m merely making an argument from nature, as many others do)  The point is, we cannot, and have never, defined human behavior and tendencies strictly by what we see in the animal world, and we can’t start now.

On the other side of the coin, those strongly against gay marriage (usually under the Christian banner) have their own issues in the arguments they make.  Just this morning while reading through a CNN report on the subject, a pastor was quoted as saying, “It says in the Bible that homosexuals will not inherit the kingdom of God.  How do you explain that one away?”  The passage the pastor is referring to is in 1st Corinthians 6:9-11, and does indeed state that.  BUT it also states in the same passage the following persons:  the sexually immoral (one who engages in “unlawful” sexual practice including premarital and outside of marriage sex), the idolater (one who worships false gods – in our culture today worship is given to many things that are false), the greedy or covetous (one who always wants more, especially wanting more of what someone else has), the drunkards (pretty self-explanatory), the reviler (one who uses verbal abuse tactics to others) and the swindler (one who extorts something from another)…these people will not inherit the kingdom of God as well.  Understand dear pastor, when you merely pull one from this list and make it your soapbox to stand upon, that is not the way to engage others with the Gospel message of Christ.  Where is the outcry over those who claim to be Christian and give themselves over to drunkenness, or who extort others through their business practices or who verbally abuse their spouses, kids, and others?

Similarly on the Christian side, the hypocrisy over the statement “Gay marriage will undermine the institution of marriage.” looms large.  If anything has undermined the institution of marriage it is those who have claimed to be Christ-followers, who have abandoned their vows because things got too “tough”, or because another caught their eye (usually defended by claiming to be their real “soulmate”), or some other non-biblical reason.  To be sure, forgiveness is offered to that person just as it is any sinner, but within our culture we have made a mockery of vows we take as Christ followers.  Neither shall gay marriage undermine the institution of the family in my opinion – we have by and large undermined that institution ourselves as we have farmed out our responsibilities to our children to every “professional” under the sun, we have not allowed our children to enjoy life because we have pushed them in arenas of sports, academics, and other extra-curricular activities to the point where many have no childhood to speak of, and we have also abandoned children in need of a family who are stuck in foster homes/orphanages because they are too much trouble, or too difficult to integrate into our family.  No dear reader, the institution of family has been under attack and decline long before the President’s announcement this week.

You probably wonder where I “stand” on this issue – (this is where I’ll be labeled a hatemonger) I am a believer in Christ (found in Him, not merely believing in Him), and as such I affirm the Scriptures as I have studied them.  I believe marriage is between a man and woman.  I also believe that marriage between a man and woman is holy, sacred, and not to be entered into lightly.  There have been men and women whose ceremonies I officiated in the past that I would not do so today, as hindsight being 20/20 I realize now they were not entering into the union wisely.  I believe my “right” to feel this way and to even choose what marriages I would/would not support is fully entrenched in the Constitution of the United States under the Freedom of Religion Amendment #1.  However (and this is probably where I’ll be labeled a liberal), because that Amendment also says Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, I also do not believe or expect the government of the United States to fully legislate according to biblical issues/interpretation.  Whether or not I wish they would is irrelevant.  My reason is simple – if a government was allowed to legislate according to that government’s interpretation of Scripture, the precedent is then set for a government established/led by other religion’s followers to do the same.  I DO wish that as a representative democracy issues like this would be given to the people via state’s rights and put to a vote instead of fat-cat lawmakers and lobbyists pushing the issues…but to that point I digress as it is not going to happen.

So there you have it…the thoughts of a hate-mongering liberal.  The point being, if we’re going to have public discussion about such things, let’s refrain from illogical arguments and improper use of Scripture.  At least then we will truly know where each other’s opinions and thoughts on the matter are from.

For anyone claiming to be a Christian, this should really be the center of our decision making.  Are the decisions that I am making, both big and small, both one-time and repeating, contributing to the goal of glorifying God?  We have repeatedly asked the question in our culture, “Can a person be Christian and ____________?”  We have filled in the blank with such things as: drink, get divorced, be homosexual, fight in wars where another life is taken, smoke, be a politician, etc…and herein we have our problem.  We have reduced what it means to follow Christ to a formula that says, “I’ll follow Him so long as I can still be in charge of my life.”  The life of a Christ-follower is to end in one thing alone – to glorify God.  You and I can never fully glorify God so long as we are still holding onto whatever glorifies us.  Addictions glorify us…hidden sin glorifies us…self-preservation glorifies us.

We consistently ask the question, “Where is the line?”  Where is the line that I can’t cross over in my dating relationship?  Where is the line in my conduct at work?  Where is the line in being unfaithful to my spouse?  What if we changed the question to this: “How does what I’m about to do/think glorify God?”

We understand that if you get to close to the edge of a cliff, our chances increase that we could fall off – but we fail to understand the closer we get to that imaginary “line”, the more our chances increase that we will sin, and not glorify God in our choice.  Our question should no longer be, “Can I be a Christian and ___________?”  It should now and forever be, “As a Christian, does this glorify God?”  Put self to death…and allow Christ to live.

Our grand plan in 2012 was to fly back to Kentucky the entire month of June.  I was going to take a mini-sabbatical, and really take some time to enjoy being with my family – we haven’t really had a family vacation other than a hurried spring break trip to Utah, and a couple of schedule-filled trips back to KY since moving here.  Well, tax time came, and we found ourselves in the position of not only not receiving a refund, but owing a substantial amount of money.   That, coupled with hospital bills and tons of dental work for the girls, quickly changed our plans – there would be no trip to KY for us.

I don’t know if as a parent, you’ve ever had to tell your kids that what their heart was set upon wasn’t going to happen, but let me tell you that was a dark day for me.  It’s different for me here in AZ – my mom has moved here, and even though I miss my friends terribly in KY, I don’t have that separation from my mom.  But for my wife it’s different – she needed time with her parents…our girls needed time with their Mimi and Papa.  I began to wrack my brain, trying to figure out how in the world I could at least get them to KY…if not all of us.

We began to consider driving – by the time you pay for gas, and hotel rooms, driving costs almost as much as flying.  So I figured out how we could drive to KY in only 3 days.  That would save us on hotel rooms a bit, and Alissa began to think through the food aspect so we wouldn’t have to eat out so much.  Alissa’s mom and dad gratefully offered to send us $500 to cover the gas, so our out of pocket expense would only be hotel rooms and eating on the trip.  We didn’t really have that out of pocket available, but we’d figure it out.  Then the other day, I was sharing that story at a meeting I was attending…how we were going to drive to KY, etc…a person came up to me and basically said he couldn’t imagine eating up 6 days of our vacation time with driving, especially with kids, and he wrote me a little note to tell me he would give us $500 toward flying if it would help!  Of course, I began to cry, and told him that would be amazing.  A couple of days later, we received his check.

Suddenly we had $1000 to fly home – but as we investigated prices, it became apparent that we still couldn’t all go to KY on that amount.  I found flights into Indianapolis for Alissa and the girls for a little under $1100.  I remembered we had some money that had just come in from another friend in KY, who sends us a little bit of cash each month to use for whatever we need.  We had $40 left from their last gift, and so with $1040 available, we would only have to pay about $60 out of pocket to fly the girls to Indy.  The plan was set...then before I booked the flight, I decided to check Southwest into Nashville.  Lo and behold, the flights were a little cheaper, and we were able to fly the girls into Nashville for $983.40!  We booked those flights, and were rejoicing over saving a few bucks…

Now, the most amazing part of this story…yesterday, a guy in our church was telling me about his mom and dad, and how they had these Southwest travel vouchers they weren’t going to use.  He said there would be a reinstatement fee, and a security fee, but he thought they would let us pay those fees and use 1 of their vouchers to get me to KY if I wanted.  Last night, through a lot of Facebook messaging, he ended up securing me a flight to Nashville a day after the girls leave AZ, and a flight back to AZ out of Louisville a couple of weeks later (the girls are going to stay a little longer).  Get ready for the chill bumps…the cost to reinstate the voucher and security fee?  $55.  Remember, we had $1040 to play with…the girls flights, $983.40, plus a round trip flight for me that only cost $55 comes to a total of $1038.40!  I firmly believe God worked things out, things we couldn’t see, to use almost to the PENNY what we had available…

I know this is a long post, but I wanted to share the entire story…His blessings don’t always come in this fashion, but this was too good to not share.  Wonder what it would look like if we (I) shared all His blessings He gives us?

Our lives are spent engaging people with the truths of Scripture and the persons of God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit.  Sometimes we do this through preaching, other times through small groups, and other times through one-on-one discipleship.  We realize the truths of Scripture and the leadings of Christ are non-negotiable not only in the lives of those we’re blessed to lead, but also in our own lives.  Hard scriptures like forgiving others, having self-control, being generous with what we have been blessed with, not holding hatred in our hearts…these and many more like them are not giving to us to be suggestions or to be applicable only to a few certain people.  They are to be part of who we are for all of our lives.

Today is one of those mixed days…a day where I know God is doing a lot of great work among those I’m blessed to serve, and also a day where I know a lot of those people are struggling with those hard scriptures.  As a pastor you want to live life for them – you want to make their decisions, their choices, and guide them as if they were your own.  But you can’t…and that stinks.  When I hear stories of homes broken, of relationships strangled, of God-fearing people choosing unwisely, it frustrates me.  But I have to remember that it frustrates God more.  One author wrote, “God is not disturbed about your sin; He is disturbed that you are not allowing Him to fill the void that prompts you to sin.”

Today is one of those days…but joy comes with the morning.

Rebel With a Cause

I just watched a video where a well-known Southern Baptist preacher stated that the story of Ananias and Saphira in Acts 5 “illustrates” what will happen to Christians who don’t tithe.  Read Acts 5, the first section, and tell me – what was the sin that cost A & S their lives?

As a pastor, inevitably questions arise with events like this, especially when those affected are so young.  We get filled with questions over why young people die, why bad things happen to good people, why heartache and suffering are a part of life.  In his great work, “Where is God When it Hurts?”, author Philip Yancey examines pain and heartache in a most profound way.  In the chapter titled “What is God Trying to Tell Us?” Yancey pens these thoughts:

Faith in God offers no insurance against tragedy.  Nor does it offer insurance against feelings of doubt and betrayal.  If anything, being a Christian complicates the issue.  If you believe in a world of pure chance, what difference does it make whether a bus from Yuba City or one from Salina crashes?  But if you believe in a world ruled by a powerful God who loves you tenderly, then it makes an awful difference.

Yancey hits the proverbial nail on the head with this quote – if this life is simply trial and error, cause and effect, chance or coincidence then we clearly can live with the expectation that anything can happen at anytime.  But if we believe in God…a God who is not absent from His creation…a God who is not ‘hands off” when it comes to our lives…well, that belief brings us struggle and questions in times like these.  When faced with these questions we can really only think in 2 perspectives: 1) do we really want to live life that is governed by chance – a life where we are just as likely to pass away in our sleep at 100 years of age or pass away at the hands of a rogue explosion?  Or 2) do we want to live a life where pain still exists, but we can find comfort in the presence of the living God who knows all too well the pain we feel – the pain He felt as He made a way for our forgiveness through the awful death of His Son and our Savior.

As we filter through events like this, and to be sure, there will be more of them, I believe we find our greatest comfort in the knowledge of a God who was not caught off guard by such things.  It doesn’t necessarily shorten our pain, or answer all of our questions, but we can rest with some peace in His presence.  Sometimes the events will be cancer, other times they will be natural disasters, or sometimes accidents…but they will come.  May we learn from the great writer C.S. Lewis, who knew of heart break and personal pain first hand in watching his wife die slowly – “God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains.  It (pain) is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

Pain and suffering scream to us that something in our world is jacked up…and it points us to the only One who can provide pure comfort and peace in these times.  It screams to us to find refuge in the words of the Savior who says, “Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.  But take heart, because I have overcome the world.”  Take heart in Him, you who journey upon this earth, that you may know pure peace and pure comfort in your sorrow.  Life is fragile, but His life is not.

One of the filmmakers made this statement in a recent interview; “Many Christians feel like they have to be perfect all the time, and go to church, and there’s all these rules about drinking, sex, and materialism.  But it’s not about church at all, it is about really getting to know Jesus, really developing your own personal relationship with Him.  When you have this you’ll be compelled to act differently.”  So it’s not about rules huh?  It’s only about knowing Jesus?  Okay, well let’s see what Jesus had to say about some of these things…

If you lust after a woman you have already committed adultery – Matthew 5:28.  Do not lay up for yourself treasures on earth – Matthew 6:19.  You cannot serve God and money – Matthew 6:24.  Do not worry about material things – Matthew 6:25-34.  It will be difficult for the wealthy to inherit the kingdom of heaven – Mark 10:17-23.  We monetarily give out of sacrifice, not abundance – Luke 21:1-4.  Everyone who commits sin is a slave to sin – John 8:34 (drunkenness is clearly labeled a sin in God’s Word).

Hmm…it appears this Jesus that these filmmakers just want people to have a “relationship” with has lots to say about the things they despise churches talking about.  Again…I get it.  Many churches and church leaders have gone the way of the Pharisees in Jesus’ day, and added their own personal opinions/rules regarding life.  It’s just as wrong today as it was in Jesus’ day.  The answer however, is not to abandon what Jesus Himself said He would build – His church.  Yes, I know the word for church is often defined as the entirety of believers, but it’s clear from the totality of scripture that Jesus’ plan included the local church- He sent his disciples out with clear instructions, and they in turn began local churches made up of believers.  IF we really love Jesus, we won’t abandon the body He gave his life for – we’ll stay close to it, maybe starting new works, or working to breathe life into old works, and realize the effort is worth it.